Some trips are for relaxation, and others, exploration. Some are for indulging in the art and cuisine, and others for simply escaping. This last trip to Tulum was about leaving the past in the past, having a ridiculous amount of fun, and experiencing mother effing breakthrough. Those that know me well know that I love to take myself on. I strive to do things that challenge me, to rock my world, to put myself in positions to experience growth and change, allowing me to evolve as a woman. And this trip was all that and so much more.
I love holidays that have an equal balance of debauchery and healing. Play all day and night, and then wake up to fresh pressed juices, the purifying jungle air, and the ocean at your doorstep to cleanse oneself from the night before. Tulum has it all!
I was in Tulum 13 years ago and wow, has it ever changed. Back then, my boyfriend (hey, Felipe!;) and I stayed in a private bungalow on the beach near the ruins, for about $15/night. We loved the vibe there so much, I knew I’d be back. And even though the town and its prices have blown up exponentially, the feeling and vibe of Tulum is just the same. It's a place to get in touch with one's soul and inner child again. It is a playground for adults to both heal and have fun.
I could go into detail about the beautiful people I met, the beach clubs, day trips, indulgence, food, drinks, and pure hedonism experienced, but here I will write about that which helped me break free from the chains that were holding me back. I had major breakthroughs on this trip: in the way I view myself, in friendship, worthiness, relationships, sexuality, and life as I seemed to know it. This trip reminded me of who I am and who I get to be, and I give gratitude to the temazcal, and the manifestation practice I participated in, as they were the two most powerful catalysts for my breakthroughs, for they opened my eyes and my heart, reminding me of exactly who I am.
I’d been to a temazcal years ago to sweat and rid myself of toxins, after traveling and having my lymph nodes swell up. I rode 30 minutes into the jungle from Puerto Escondido, and although it was also very cleansing and healing, my experience this time was completely different. This was an ancient ceremony, a truly spiritual and powerful experience that shed layers upon layers of “stuff” I was pointlessly holding onto.
I had been sick the day and night before I booked my ceremony, as after drinking the tap water accidentally (whoops!), I'd had a healthy dose of Montezuma’s revenge. On the bright side, my insides were completely cleared out for this cleansing ceremony! I tried my best to talk myself out of going. I thought maybe I should just get a massage and relax instead. I told myself I wasn’t mentally strong or physically healthy enough to withstand two+ hours in the exorbitant heat, in a pitch dark small space, exorcising my demons - I had a lot after all, and the idea scared me. But I recognized this resistance, and I knew that's exactly why I had to go through with it.
I arrived at beautiful Holistika 30 minutes prior to the start time. I had a lot of questions to ask, and wanted to make sure they saw me as fit for the sweat. I had been so dehydrated the day before when sick, so wanted to make sure I was OK. I was scared, and the girl at the desk reassured me that temazcals are beautiful, healing, and powerful ceremonies, and that there was a reason I was there, for emotional and physical cleansing. It was perfect.
Walking with the group of 8 to the igloo shaped clay hut, I spoke with a local woman who was reassuring me of the ceremony’s beauty. She was nervous, I was nervous, we were all nervous, which was a reminder that we were all alive. When we arrived, the woman saw the shamans who would be guiding our ceremony, and said they are the absolute best. Exactly what I needed to hear: we had the most experienced facilitators to lead us.
We stood in a half moon and were guided through a cleansing prior to entering the ceremony. We greeted and said thank you to our ancestors and to the 4 elements, and stood before burning copal while the shaman blessed each of us as we stood in front of him in the center, shaking a rattling branch around us, removing any resistance we had before entering the sacred room. There was singing, the sounds of the jungle, a didjeridoo, the crackling fire, and the feeling of peace. I knew I had to surrender right then and there, and I began to trust.
When entering the small space, a prayer is said and an intention set. During the ceremony, you go through 4 "rooms" guided by the shaman. Each serves a different purpose for cleansing, and the progression of the rooms is about letting go of all that does not serve us, allowing space for all that we are worthy of in our lives. Each room gets progressively hotter, and emotionally tougher to withstand than the previous. It is not relaxing, nor comfortable, and it takes a lot of courage, work, self love, and strength to make it through its entirety.
Now this particular night was the first full moon of the year, which means emotions were most powerful and at their peak. Yikes!!! On one hand this was the best night to face our darkness, and release all that is not meant for us, because our emotions and fears were more profound and clearly presented to us given the full moon. Yet it was also the most difficult time, because when our emotions and fears are heightened we tend to want to cling to them, and it makes it harder to fully process them. Yet, we were all there, in this together, and we did the work.
The idea of letting go of so many things I was holding onto was the very thing causing me to resist. I was there to let go of the past, yet the thought of doing so felt like losing a part of me. Over the years I had built a relationship with my pain and I knew I had to let it all go, despite how hard it would be to do so. When I felt this resistance, I persevered, I trusted, and I surrendered, because I wanted to be free again. I was exactly where I needed to be, doing exactly what I needed to do, with those I was doing it with.
Ceremoniously for each room, they bring in 10 burning stones representing our ancestors. We thank each as they enter and are placed in the center, we welcome them, then they close the door, and we are in complete blackness as we listen to the shaman begin.
The first room was hot, and dark, and there began chanting, singing, laughing, animal like noises, and we sweat, a LOT, being reassured and guided calmly by the shaman through the process of clearing our past. As they pour water on the stones, it gets hotter, steamier, and more difficult to breathe, yet this physical and mental discomfort is exactly where the cleansing, healing, and transformation take place.
The second room was hotter, and at one point I didn’t think I could make it. My heart was beating extremely fast, so I went to the floor at first to breath as it’s cooler, my head was playing tricks and I thought I was going to pass out or have a panic attack. I climbed over the girl next to me to make an escape and when I got to the door, I stopped. I stopped myself from leaving, from escaping, and I sat there to withstand the heat and discomfort. I looked at fear right in the eyes, and I knew I was stronger than my mind was telling me, and I stuck it out. I stuck it out for the entire 4 rooms, the full two hours, and for that, I am beyond proud of myself!
The 3rd room, is by far the toughest. It lasts the longest, is made to be the hottest, and it’s the space where we let go of all the things that do not serve us, and allow our authentic selves to emerge. This is the room where we meet our fears and demons face to face. We were guided to breathe, and scream, and fully let out of all the anger, hate, self doubt, and any emotions, beliefs and stories that do not honor our highest selves. I cannot describe with words how powerful this experience was, but it changed me. When you’ve been sweating for an hour and a half, releasing energy and being prompted to animalistically scream, and to face and destroy your pain and fears, the experience is profound, it was hallucinogenic, it was spiritual, powerful, and it was freeing!
When entering the 4th and final room, we are guided through the process of rebirth. This is where our intentions are set after we’d rid ourselves of all the negative energy. Here, in this fourth room is where we create our new selves. We took turns screaming and repeating each others’ affirmations in the darkness: “I am loved. I am powerful. I have the most amazing partner in the world. I am a warrior. I am a goddess. I am worthy.” It was breathtakingly beautiful to witness the energy of everyone being released from our own limitations, and free again. We chanted together over and over “I want to be reborn! I am reborn!” And at that very moment, each of us was reborn. I knew right then, that I have my power back.
I went through so many emotions and had so many thoughts and doubts during these 2 incredible hours. After room 2, I was crying uncontrollably, and was encouraged to let it out. I was not the only one. I was hyper aware of my mind playing tricks and I sat with it, aware, consciously changing my thoughts. I had to. This Temazcal hut is dark, small, beyond hot, where you cannot see another person, only the red burning stones in the center yet you can hear crying, chanting, sighing, roaring, singing, drumming, as well as others ridding themselves of anger, doubt, and pain. It is a space of letting go, of freedom, going back into our mother’s womb, to heal, and to be reborn.
After completing the ceremony, we were asked to leave in a certain fashion, to say a prayer and give thanks to our ancestors, bowing before the stones and to back out of the room through the small opening. Upon crawling out of the hut backwards, the exhilarating feeling of rain touched my bare skin. We were each greeted by the feeling of fresh, cold rain as we exited the ceremony. This, my friends, is so powerful! It had not rained at all in Tulum before, or even after this very moment, and yet right then, as we exited this ceremony hot, drenched with our own transformative sweat and tears, the gods opened up the skies and gave us rain to wash our bodies right then. We were all blown away by how amazing this truly was. Even the shamans knew that we manifested this cleansing rainfall after we worked so hard inside that room to transform ourselves.
Two days after this ceremony, cleansed, free, and ready to take on what’s next, I met with a lovely Aussie, Susan, who took me on a journey of self love and manifestation. I spent 4 hours with her as she guided me though a manifestation practice that allowed me to further let go, and reconnect with my higher self again. I experienced a profound meditation and visualization that has me excited for my future - I can clearly see what and who lies ahead!
I had been asleep, holding on to the past and stuck for way too long. I had been holding on to anger, and loss, and self doubt, from years of being hurt, and I have finally been released and am free. These two powerful experiences, allowed me to break the chains of the past, to get my power back and see myself for all my beauty and light and love, once again.
I emerged from this experience, and this trip, a new woman. A powerful and free woman. A woman who will no longer allow anyone to come into my life only wishing to steal my light, and will only give my time and effort to those who see and value me. I have been reminded of exactly who I am and what I am worthy of, and am more powerful and unstoppable than ever before. I have been reminded of the goddess that I am.
Are you heading to Mexico soon? There is most likely a temazcal taking place where you are going, and if you want to experience an incredibly profound physical, mental, and emotional cleansing and healing in your own life, I highly encourage you to partake in the ceremony. Find one that is authentic, that you trust, and where you will be at ease. You will not, however, be comfortable, but hey, that’s the entire point. Transformation is uncomfortable, and it can suck, and yet it is the only way we are able to evolve and grow.
As the old saying goes, "The only way out, is through."
Holistika Tulum - Temazcal - Whatsapp: +52 984 280 4128
Their website is under construction, but their IG link is above. You can eat, do yoga, dance, play, swim, and indulge in all things healing here. Give yourself time to enjoy the jungle vibes before you enter the ceremony:)
"Love Yourself" Tulum Experience - Spend a day with Susan, and manifest the life and love you desire and are worthy of. You'll also get to swim, play, and exfoliate with the natural clay in the lagoon. Truly a powerful, and life changing experience!
I intentionally did not take many photos on this trip, and chose to be more in the moment and fully present. So there are no photos of the temazcal, or many other moments and people from the trip, but below are a few that captured some memorable moments. Enjoy!
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