Let’s be real here - healing is not some magical and pretty process like the movies or social media may portray it to be. Real healing is tough folks! It can be exhausting, feel lonely, and be downright ugly at times. Intense, deep healing from loss, heartbreak, or trauma, whether physical or emotional, takes time, patience, and persistence, and thankfully, the reward on the other side is worth every moment of effort put in.
I happen to live on one of the most walkable streets in my neighborhood, and last summer I noticed one man in particular walking down my street just about every day. He had a severe limp, a leg brace, a crooked posture and used a cane. Yet, he slowly walked the full quarter mile length of my street from and back to wherever he lives in the neighborhood.
The first time I saw him walking I let my imagination and judgement set in and made up stories about his condition. However over time, I realized he must have been in an accident or have had surgery, but it was obvious that some life event had caused him to be crooked and wear a leg brace, and this daily walk was him getting out there on the road to strength and healing.
“The cure for the pain, is in the pain.” -Rumi
Minnesota winters are not conducive for outdoor leisurely strolls, so not many people are out for daily walks, it’s just too damn snowy and cold. He very well could have been out there, but since I was traveling from November through April, whether he was out there or not, I hadn’t seen him in months. So let’s fast forward to this Spring…
In mid-April, I saw him out walking again and I perked right up. Winter had gone by and I noticed he had improved from when I saw him last. Cane still in hand, brace still on his leg, yet he was more upright and his pace was faster and his walk, smoother. Then a couple of weeks later, I noticed his brace was gone. He was making obvious progress, and I felt so proud of him!
Then last week, while I was out in my front yard on a phone call soaking in the sunshine, here he came walking down the street. He was walking at a slow but quicker pace, still with a limp, his leg brace was off, and he had ditched his freaking cane!!!
I immediately put the person I was speaking to on hold and sat there smiling, for him, for his growth, for witnessing the healing his hard work had brought him, and then I couldn’t contain myself. I yelled to him with a huge smile, “Looking good!!!!” He smiled, kept his stride, half looked my way, and raised his hand up waving as if to say ‘Thank you!” and he kept on his path. This man has NO idea how happy I am for him, nor how much he has inspired me!
Every time I see this gentleman walking I think, 'Wow. This is what doing the work looks like. He is out here all the time, daily perhaps, walking his slow and what looks to be uncomfortable walk, taking his time and is doing the work at his own pace.' He’s inspired me in my own healing process and even to write this very post.
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” -unknown
Don’t let social media make you think healing is some sexy process where you head on a yoga retreat in Costa Rica or a peaceful meditation retreat in India where you go for a quick fix and come out a changed and enlightened person. Yes, those are fantastic catalysts for allowing yourself the time and process to heal, but the real healing happens within, no matter your geographical location or surroundings, and healing is a lifelong journey itself, not a destination.
Healing takes work. It requires effort, discipline, grit, tears, braving to be alone as well as allowing for the support of others. Healing requires allowing oneself to feel all the emotions fully, good and bad, and to eventually release them. Healing is allowing yourself to cry on the floor when it hurts, to let yourself scream when you feel you just may explode, to punch a pillow, reach for help, or simply sit with your pain in silence. It’s uncomfortable, and raw, can be painful and draining. Healing is about facing the dark, ugly sides of ourselves and choosing to change. Healing is getting out there to walk when every inch of your body may hurt and you don’t think you can handle the pain. Thankfully, healing can also mean laughing, and dancing, and releasing, and doing things that scare the shit out of you as a means to conquer your fears!
"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there. With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair." -Mumford and Sons
My experience of this man’s process to physical healing, is about getting out there to walk, every day, even when it’s difficult and perhaps even painful. My experience of emotional healing is about allowing myself to fully experience any anger, anxiety, resentment, sadness, loneliness, and wounds from betrayal that come up, and accept myself for feeling these emotions. It requires hard exercise, spending time in nature, being alone, being with friends, going within, being vulnerable, putting myself out there socially, and about forgiving others as well as myself. It has not been easy, nor has it been pretty at times, but just like this man’s progress, I’m slowly and surely getting there!
So I have two takeaways here, and the first is this:
Take all the time you need to heal from whatever it is you need to heal from, and unless you are a newborn infant, we all have something we need to heal from. There is no right or wrong process, or appropriate time frame. We each have our own “stuff” and we know the work we need to do, whether it takes weeks, months, or even years, everyone’s path is different. So take that first walk, sit with that first cry, and do the work taking whatever time is needed.
The second takeaway:
Keep being you, exactly who you are, and don’t be afraid to be seen because you never know who you may be inspiring. This walking man has no idea I’ve been quietly rooting for him for almost a year, watching his progress in awe, and smiling to myself each time I see him walk by. By simply getting out there, being himself and doing the hard work to heal, he has no idea how much he’s inspired me and perhaps others as well.
I haven’t seen him this week but next time I do, I plan to run out and greet him with words of encouragement and a fresh lemonade. I’ll tell him I'm a huge fan, that I’ve seen his progress this past year, and that I'm proud of him. He gets to know just how inspiring he is, and I look forward to the day I get to celebrate him for his hard work!
With that, I’ll leave you to listen to this classic by one of my favorites: MJ - Heal the World
love this post